Tuesday, June 11, 2013

What Is Love, Baby Don't Hurt Me/ My Happy Fat Caveat

Being fat is a miserable existence marked largely by self loathing, depression, and binging. As much as I despise the blustering bullshit of the tough love types, I dislike the sugary feel good coos of the love yourself anyway crowd. Despite whatever shallow pretense they may offer of accountability, that never really feels sincere to me.
Maybe they're just more worried about the mental health aspect, which, believe me, I'm sensitive to. I just see them both as one more example of the childish, bipolar nature of modern America.
The entire matrix of the dynamic is all fucked up, insane, and psychotic. On one hand, you have people who don't believe you can be honest without being a giant, raging dick, and on the other, you have people using what they think of as positive reinforcement for negative reinforcement, by making it easier for people to not hold themselves accountable.
Love yourself.
You deserve to love yourself.
 Respect yourself.
You deserve to respect yourself.
Well, fucking why?
 That shit is earned. If you don't respect yourself, start earning it.
As far as loving yourself, color me an asshole, but I've never understood what the fuck that means.
I'm positive my perspective is horribly skewed due to the years of heavy depression and self loathing, but this is still a serious question.
What does loving yourself mean?
What if you don't deserve to love yourself?
Why wouldn't someone deserve to love themselves?
Fuck if I know, that's not for me to decide.
Maybe, like respect, love has to be earned as well.
And if you're going to attempt to help someone, stop and ask yourself if what you're really doing is stroking your ego. In fact, I'd go even further and say that both tacts are mostly the stroking of ego. Either you're beating your dick at the thought of how awesome, tough, and Alpha you were putting that fattie in their place, or you're stroking your dick over how awesome, sensitive, and Beta/ Alpha (yes, because real men are sensitive and don't feel the need to be retro and dominant) funny how men can never escape their inner ubermensch, ain't it?
Furthermore, I'll say it perpetuates some bullshit myths people should probably get over. Some simple economics might be involved, so I'll probably get burned at the stake for mentioning them.

Without a doubt, physical attraction is hugely important.
I'm not saying big girls can't be beautiful and sexy, because they can. But they're going to have to bring something to the table if they're lacking in the physical beauty department. Intelligence, charm, humor, a giant trust fund, epic tits, these are all things other than physical beauty that can make one beautiful. All these things are net pluses, and they all work for men as well as women (save maybe the epic tits).

What I'm saying is, we've all seen physically stunning people with mates who should, by all accounts, be nowhere near their league. And they're there because whatever deficit they had in the looks department, they made up for elsewhere.

Which brings us to confidence.
Confidence is important. Everyone knows this. We're told it constantly. We're told how important an ingredient it is in attraction.
How does one gain confidence?
Does one gain confidence through self respect, or through the shallow nurturing of false self esteem?
How does one get to fuck the homecoming queen?
By working hard and busting ass and knocking player's dicks in the dirt and winning the big game?
Or by hoisting the trophy he got for simply participating?

I know, by now you assume I'm just some angry, fat, rambling asshole. And you're probably right.


Embrace love. Zen up. Carry a gun.


  1. It always seems simple.. but

    "You deserve to respect yourself.
    Well, fucking why?
    That shit is earned. If you don't respect yourself, start earning it."

    Sounds deep right now to me. I've had plenty of problems with depression and while I'm working harder, that's why I still don't feel like I'm doing well at life. I need to work to respect myself, and I'll feel more respected, because I'll have to be more competent. Which will make me happier overall, which is exactly what I need. Thanks.

  2. It's work. I fail at it often. I fail less at it than I used to. I'm probably still a long way from whatever happy is, but I'm also a long way from looking down the barrel of a .45. And some days that's everything.