Saturday, June 9, 2012

Letters from BBJ#1 Stupid Gun People On Youtube

Dear 90% of the People Who Post Gun Videos on Youtube,

You're idiots, shut the fuck up. At best you make us look ridiculous, at worst you put bad information in people's heads. Just because you have a camera, a gun, a computer, and a goddamn internet connection, does not make you a guru. Racking the pump is not guaranteed to make them shit their pants and run away. If you mention racking the pump, and not audio/ visual deterrence along the continuum of force, you're all fucked up. What's that you say, you never heard of the continuum of force? Well, that's because you're a moron. Hence, the shutting the fuck up.

Don't tell me about your favorite gun, which you just bought, because some actor used it in a movie or some rapper mentioned in a song, or because it “looked” like a bad motherfucker, which you have fired twice .

Don't tell me about this new, totally super awesome technique you've developed that entails twisting the magazine, causing the gun to twist in your hand, causing your thumb to hit the mag release. I'm not going to advertently cause an inadvertent mag release. That's fucking stupid, and takes more time for me to actually try to wrap my head around than it does to just change mags the proper way. You're a fucking moron for thinking it up in the first place. Shut the fuck up.

I do not care how much fun you're having bump firing anything. Bump firing is fucking stupid. It exists solely so morons can get away with jacking off in front of people in public. Point blank.

Do not tell me wheel guns never jam, and semi-autos are not reliable. It's 20-fucking-12, you retard. Shut the fuck up. Revolvers can indeed jam, and when they do, it is often catastrophrophic.The vast majority of modern, reasonably well made semi-autos are going to be more accurate and reliable than most people, especially novice shooters.

Do not tell me wheel guns are stupid and have no place.

Wheel guns do still have some very valid points going for them. A j-frame .38 may still be the perfect BUG.I still believe revolvers are excellent choices for people who want a gun for protection, but are honest enough with themselves to admit they're simply not going put the time and effort into developing their martial skill beyond the most absolute basic level.

I know, I know. That's the wrong goddamn answer, and they need to get up off their fat asses and train, right? People need to do a lot of things. I need to lose two hundred pounds, it's not going to happen tomorrow.

The fact of the matter is, self defense is the most basic of human rights. Unless someone is a violent criminal scumbag and/ or terrorist, then they have the right to defend themselves.

If they're old.

If they're fat.

If they're poor.

If they don't particularly like guns.


And the fact of the matter is, whether you like it or not, whether you train constantly for it or not, a lot of this shit isn't really that complex. You can have all the training and skills known to man, but if you don't have the mindset, you're fucked.

And a single mother who has only ever shot the .38 in the drawer beside her bed that does have the mindset is in better stead than the he man Alpha asshole with all the training courses under his belt, without.

Each gun is a tool. If you don't understand the proper, specific use of each tool, please shut the fuck up. You're not helping anyone, and you're making me want to skull fuck your soul.

Do you really want to see Big Baby Jesus on an angry, soul-skull fucking rampage?

Always be mindful of with whom you are speaking.

In comedy circles, this is known as “know your audience”.

The synthesis of knowing the specific function of each tool, and your audience, along with common sense, allows you to give proper advice to those who might look to your for answers.

If you cannot wrap your head around this, that different people have different needs, limitations, and skill sets, and give sound advice being mindful of all these things, then you need to shut the fuck up.

Right now.

No, stop.

I know. I know you want everyone to know you're a big, tough, capable man.

You're not.

And unless you shut the fuck up, and learn, you never will be.


Big Baby Jesus

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